Posted by: yankeegirlguy | June 7, 2007

Carl Pavano – The American Idle

Yankee Guy here- 

Over the first few months of the Yankees season Yankee Girl and I have had many a debate about the Yankees.  From in game manager decisions, personnel management, to who we think would be the most fun players to hang out with off the field; we have debated and discussed everything that is humanly possible.  The one thing we unequivocally agree on among the multitude of topics we have discussed is Ms. Carl Pavano.  Before this season even started we both were very skeptical about Carl and even good reports out of spring training didn’t put us at ease.  Yankee Girl, who if in charge of the Yankees would run them in a “General Patton-esqe” way, proposed that if Carl wasn’t going to pitch we should get our money’s worth for his 39.95 Million Dollars salary.  Together we comprised a few ways in which we could have Carl earn his paycheck.

1)  Set up Carl by “The Bat” outside Yankee Stadium and dress him up as a clown.  Have him paint faces and entertain the crowd.  At least he will be pleasing some Yankee fans this way.

2) Have a carnival style Dunk Tank in Monument Park, where you could throw baseballs at a target and Dunk Carl in the water tank.  Obviously we’d have a net set up around Carl so no disgruntled Yankee Fans could throw the balls AT him.

3)  Bring back the bullpen car and have him drive pitchers to the mound.   This will allow fans to see him on mound quite often, and he won’t be giving up monster home runs as per usual.  A win-win situation.  Hopefully he won’t get in any car accidents like last year.

4) Employ him as a Hot Dog Vendor.  Carrying the 40 pound hot dog holder will be great physical therapy for after he gets his Tommy John surgery.  (Side note – You know with the Yankees luck he’s going to come back in ’09 with someone like the Twins and post a 3.34 ERA with a 17-8 record.)

5) Set up a Pay-Per-View fight between Yankee Girl and Mr. Pavano.  We would set up the ring right over 2nd base and you could tune in for the low price of $39.95.  Early line would be 5-2 in favor of Yankee Girl.  (Yankee Guy would obviously get commission on this fight, being the promoter) She has a lot of aggression towards Carl, and a tough Long Island attitude.  Carl is from Southington, CT and is soft.  Southington sucks.

“I’m a total douche bag”



  1. dunk tank…DUNK TANK! I would pay SO much money to do that.

    btw, found you through

  2. […] Pavano has questioned the pitcher’s fortitude and his commitment to play.  Sources tell FU that the two reportedly got into a shouting match last week after Linger accused Pavano of hypocrisy. (A litany of injuries kept Pavano out of the rotation for most of his high-paying stint with the Yank….)  […]

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