Posted by: yankeegirlguy | June 21, 2007

If Yankee Girl was the GM

Yankee Girl and I have some great back and forth conversations on an almost daily basis. About 35% of these involve how we would run the Yankee organization if in control. Now we each aren’t HR gurus, and aren’t masters of the luxury tax, but we do know our team inside and out. Now Yankee Girl already is a manager of a team I play on, and she is quite a character. Now I always thought it would be fun to extrapolate this experience as well as think about how she would control the Yankees. Here is my imagination at work. Remember this is a girl who quotes Leo Durocher.

First Second of her Reign- Don Mattingly: “Hey Yankee Girl good to have you here this year, I really think you were a great pick as GM, and I am excited for the season.”Yankee Girl: “You’re fired; get the hell out of here!!”(Yankee Girl believes in the “Curse of Don Mattingly”)

First Minute of her Reign-  Joe Girardi hired as manager.

February 27th- All of the Yankees meet the new GM down in Tampa.  Not being introduced to her yet they one by one try to hit on her.  Every single player spits some game.  All of them except A-Rod.  She’s not mannish enough for him.

March 19th- Yankee Girl institutes a new training regiment. Sprints. All the time.  Mandatory.   Also she provides the players with a list of cheers to do with one another during the game.  Obviously they are quite snappy.

March 21st- Players revolt at the cheer list after players from the Devil Rays start teasing them.  Yankee Girl’s response “They are the freaking Devil Rays, barely a major league team; let me know when they don’t lose 100 games.”  The cheers remain.

April 10th- Yankee Girl hears the “Charge!!” cheer at the Yankees home opener.  The Yankees sound team is immediately given a pink slip. Every single one of them.

May 19th- After the Yankees 1st 4 game losing streak of the year, Yankee girl proclaims to the media “Everyone’s job is up for grabs.  Except Mientkiewicz, Cano, Caberea and Proctor.”  (Yankee girl has some love for “her guys”)

July 1st- Yankees lose a dramatic game versus the Tigers giving up 3 runs in the top of the 9th to lose 6-4 at the Stadium. Yankee Girl is down in the clubhouse after the game and obviously not too thrilled.  In a post game interview, Derek Jeter gets asked by Sweeny Murti how he feels after the loss and says, “We just didn’t get the big hit today, and you just got to take the game one at-bat at a time.  I am sure we will come out and try out best tomorrow.”

Yankee Girl, tired of yet another bland Jeter comment slaps him in the face, walks away yells out to him “And by the way, your Driven products suck too!!” 

New York Post Headline “Yanks Get Slapped around in the 9th”

August 13th- Yankee Girl, upset with the production from 1st base and Right Field calls up Tino Martinez and Paul O’Neill to try to convince them to come back and play for her.  She trades Giambi and Abreu to the Pittsburgh Pirates for a pitching machine and a bullpen car.  When asked about the trade she replies “The sucked, and deserved to go to Pittsburgh.  No lives in Pittsburgh by choice, so I was just trying to provide that city with two more residents for tax dollars.”

September 21st- Yankees win the division.  Yankee Girl allows ARod to order as many mannish hookers as his heart desires on the corporate card. 

October 14th- Lost game 6 of the ALCS and the series 4-2 to LA Angels.  Yankee Girl fires the entire pitching staff except Proctor, Rivera, and Mussina.  Signs Chad Pennington to pitch next year for the team for $12 million.  She sates to the media “Chad and his 79 MPH Fastball will bring the Yanks their 27th Championship! 


“My arm is wicked strong because I look like an elf” 



  1. this is quite possibly the funniest piece of written material I have ever seen in my life.

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