Posted by: yankeegirlguy | June 21, 2007

Why you’re all FIRED!

Once again, I’m compelled to justify myself following one of YankeeGuy’s biting posts.  I’m a nice gal, really I am.  Sure, I quote Leo “The Lip” Durocher from time to time, but let’s remember that Leo won almost 4,000 games as a manager- not too shabby.  If you find losing enjoyable, then fine, go back to your padded room- you crazy freak -and pick flowers and lose games all day long.  If you think winning is the most fun part of playing sports- then you’re welcome on my team.  Now a few comments on YankeeGuy’s sweetheart description of my managing… 

Posted by: yankeegirlguy | 21st Jun, 2007

If Yankee Girl was the GM

First Second of her Reign- Don Mattingly: “Hey Yankee Girl good to have you here this year, I really think you were a great pick as GM, and I am excited for the season.”Yankee Girl: “You’re fired; get the hell out of here!!”(Yankee Girl believes in the “Curse of Don Mattingly”)

*(CLOSE but not quite- Donny Baseball’s stuff would be in a cardboard box sitting shotgun in a taxi outside the stadium.  Following our “introduction” Mr. Mattingly would be escorted out of the stadium and banned until after the world series. Don’t believe that ol’ Donny is cursed?  Mattingly debuted in 1982 and played 14 seasons for the New York Yankees…Guess how many World Series the Yanks won in those 14 years… that’s right ZIP, NADA, ZERO.  They never even made it to ONE World Series during that 14-year stretch… The longest stretch in Yankee history.  Guess what happened the year after Mattingly retired?  Oooh look at that- four World Series Championships in five years- looks like we were making up for lost time.  Coincidence?  Do you really want to take the time to find out?)

February 27th- All of the Yankees meet the new GM down in Tampa.  Not being introduced to her yet they one by one try to hit on her.  Every single player spits some game.  All of them except A-Rod.  She’s not mannish enough for him. *(I appreciate and resent that all at the same time.  Re: The A-Rod comment. Have you SEEN the guns lately?  I’m one shot of HGH away from being just A-Rod’s type… )

March 19th- Yankee Girl institutes a new training regiment. Sprints. All the time.  Mandatory.   *(Maybe then the Giambi’s of the world would get their asses out of the box a little quicker and the Farnsworth’s would have the endurance to go more than one freaking inning every three games… PS-The sprints don’t end until someone pukes… that’s just standard policy)  Also she provides the players with a list of cheers to do with one another during the game.  Obviously they are quite snappy.

April 10th- Yankee Girl hears the “Charge!!” cheer at the Yankees home opener.  The Yankees sound team is immediately given a pink slip. Every single one of them. *(Oh come on, I’d obviously give them a warning first.)

May 19th- After the Yankees 1st 4 game losing streak of the year, Yankee girl proclaims to the media “Everyone’s job is up for grabs.  Except Mientkiewicz, Cano, Cabrera and Proctor.”  (Yankee girl has some love for “her guys”) *(FOUR GAME LOSING STREAK?? NOT ON MY WATCH!)

July 1st- Yankees lose a dramatic game versus the Tigers giving up 3 runs in the top of the 9th to lose 6-4 at the Stadium. Yankee Girl is down in the clubhouse after the game and obviously not too thrilled.  In a post game interview, Derek Jeter gets asked by Sweeny Murti how he feels after the loss and says, “We just didn’t get the big hit today, and you just got to take the game one at-bat at a time.  I am sure we will come out and try out best tomorrow.”Yankee Girl, tired of yet another bland Jeter comment slaps him in the face, walks away yells out to him “And by the way, your Driven products suck too!!” 

New York Post Headline “Yanks Get Slapped around in the 9th”

*(Now, Now.  I don’t slap across the face.  Captain Cliché would get a smack upside the head… Seriously though, his Driven products are a joke.  What does Derek Jeter know about skin care?)

August 13th- Yankee Girl, upset with the production from 1st base and Right Field calls up Tino Martinez and Paul O’Neill to try to convince them to come back and play for her.  She trades Giambi and Abreu to the Pittsburgh Pirates for a pitching machine and a bullpen car.  When asked about the trade she replies “The sucked, and deserved to go to Pittsburgh.  No lives in Pittsburgh by choice, so I was just trying to provide that city with two more residents for tax dollars.”*(why would ANYONE PURPOSELY live in Pittsburgh… in fact, to encourage players heal more quickly, our DL will be based in Pittsburgh (Mientkiewicz is welcome to stay in NY until his poor little wrist is in ship shape)… Pavano would’ve come back throwing fire if he knew he’d be spending his entire time on the DL in Pittsburgh)

September 21st- Yankees win the division.  Yankee Girl allows ARod to order as many mannish hookers as his heart desires on the corporate card.  *(Anyone else want strippers?  If that’s why A-Rod’s playing like he is, then I strongly encourage the use of strippers for every team member she-male-muscular-type-strippers and otherwise)

October 14th- Lost game 6 of the ALCS and the series 4-2 to LA Angels.  Yankee Girl fires the entire pitching staff except Proctor, Rivera, and Mussina.  *(Pettitte can stay too as a favor to my bench coach, YankeeGuy)  Signs Chad Pennington to pitch next year for the team for $12 million.  She states to the media “Chad and his 79 MPH Fastball will bring the Yanks their 27th Championship” *(Please, it’s not his fastball, it’s his location!)


“Hey Moose- I know you went to Stanford, but I’m a Rhodes Scholar bitch!  A Rhodes Scholar!” 


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