Posted by: yankeegirlguy | June 27, 2007

The Walk of Shame

I hate baseball today.   

I just decided that I hate its guts and I hope one day, football takes basball’s heart and kicks a field goal with it.  I owe this passionate disdain to last night’s game which followed a slew of games that contributed to my ultimately extreme hatred.   

It started with the Yankees falling behind two runs to the freaking Orioles… Do you know what an Oriole is?  It’s a stupid bird- like a parakeet or a finch or something.  It sucks. 


Then, the Yankees did a very cruel thing- Johnny “Achy-Breaky-Everything” Damon hit a two run homer to even the score in the sixth inning, giving the Yankees three juicy innings to put a run on the board and actually win a damn game.  This freak-occurrence gave Yankee fans a little taste of something they haven’t had for a while— hope.  Not. Cool. 


Tied 2-2 in the 8th, Farnsworthless actually manages to get us out of an inning unscathed, only to put in the man with the plan- Scott Proctor.  (I don’t know if you know this, but I may be one of no more than three people on the planet – Scotty’s mom included – who love Scott Proctor more than even Joe Torre loves him.  I trust him and think he’s awesome and want to throw a Proctor Parade every time he comes up to pitch.)  So anyway, Scott Proctor, Relief-Pitcher-Extraordinaire, walked in the winning run.  He walked it in!  I was shocked and appalled and sad and angry and contemplated suicide.  WTF SP? WTF? 

Proctor Evil

So there I am, hating baseball and reading all about it in the Daily News (the same way America reads about Paris Hilton and Britney Spears – yes you may hate them, but you can’t help but want to know about them) expecting to find a quote from Scotty that says something like this “Throwing strikes is so 2006 for this bullpen… I’m going to end this thing right now so that we can all go get hookers to celebrate Captain Jeter and Mike Meyers’ birthdays (who turned a combined age of eight hundred, btw).” 

And just as I’m about to hire a hit-man to kill Proctor, I find this quote instead:

“I let everyone down. I’m (ticked) off at myself. You can’t — walk people. It’s embarrassing.” (Daily News, 6/27)   (fill in the blanks yourself- ticked and — are subs for other words)



Next thing I know, I’m back on team Proctor and ready to watch tonights game against the Orioles… maybe start a new winning streak?  maybe hit some orioles with pitches?

*Sighhhhhhh.   Dear Scott Proctor- with a quote full of newspaper ‘bleeps,’ I can’t stay mad at you…Let’s go to central park and throw balls at hippies and old people… I think we both need to remember why we love baseball.

Hideki Cries in Japanese

What’s the matter Hideki?  You gonna Cry?  There’s no crying in baseball!



  1. Are you a Yankees fan?

  2. Yankee Dad – This comment from you! Someone who always thinks the sky is falling!

    I blame the World Series dought on you PS. Remember how we were supposed to go to the 2000 World Series Parade, but you had like a Math quiz you needed to take. You said “Don’t worry we’ll go next year.” I am still waiting-

    Yankee Guy

  3. OK Mr. “I Heart Manny Ramirez” – You don’t get to judge!
    PS- Way to put us in a world series drought.

  4. The barbs are out! In no way am I questioning Yankee Guy’s Yankee loyalty.

    I have set my crosshairs on Yankee Girl. If Scott Proctor was 1/100 as good as you imagine him to be, we would be comparing him to ramiro mendoza.

    You would blame the drought on me…You can blame the drought on me all you want, I’ll simply go on blaming the the giant elephant behind the curtain…Freddie Sez

  5. In response to our little family feud- I’ll have you know that Scott Proctor threw 86 pitches June 21-23rd making it nearly impossible for him to pitch yesterday, yet Mr. Torre, who’s love for proctor is one of the few reasons I accept him after contributing for 7 years to the World Series drought, decided he should leave him in there to crash and burn, even after Scott made a diving catch that clearly knocked the wind out of him (much like this run-on-sentence which continues to knock the wind out me!)
    Meanwhile, YankeeGuy clearly thinks YOU, the one who lives in Boston, are the elephant behind the ol’ curtain. I merely agree with his judgement 🙂

  6. Okay Yankee Dad you usually have some valid points but I have to vouch for Yankee Girl’s fandom. Also I just want to ask you who did the two following things.

    1) Who left Yankee Guy during the 6th inning of Game 1 of the 1999 to go meet up with his crazy Ex-Girlfriend nicknamed “Stalker.”

    2) Who used to have a favorite player named Steve Avery, and was a Braves fan during thier 1991-1992 World Series run?

  7. Ha! I love Steve Avery. I was just telling someone about my man love for him yesterday. Still, I never went on and on about him like Yankee Girl goes on about Proctor.

    Don Mattingly, another “fave” of Yankee Girl, was and always will be the reason why I love baseball.

    Quick story…at my game tonight, our pitcher couldn’t throw strikes. He was then called Proctor for the rest of the game by my teammates.

  8. You’re right… instead you went “on and on” about Manny Ramirez…
    Can I pull a McCauley Culkin and Divorce Yankee Dad? I want a divorce!!! I want a DIVORRRCEEEEE!

    PS- Your story sucks. I hope your softball team got CRUSHED

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