Posted by: yankeegirlguy | July 27, 2007

Why it’s better from behind*

As Yankee Guy so likes to point out, I do believe that nothing is more fun than winning. It’s so not about “how you play the game.” That’s just a silly phrase that some school teacher made up to keep the fat kids jolly. The truth is, if you lost, there’s no way you had as much fun as you would have if you won. And while some wins are far more satisfying than others, winning is like sex – even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. Everyone has different preferences, so let’s explore the different styles of Yankee wins.

Missionary- a.k.a “Yankees on Top”

Nothing fancy here. This is your traditional Yankee win. It probably starts out with two runs in the first two or three innings for a total of five or six runs overall. The Yankees stay on top the whole time, the other team really doesn’t do much at all. Sure, maybe they’ll scratch or bite a little, scoring a run here or a run there. At the end, though, you’re satisfied, everyone feels kinda great, (not exhausted, not uncomfortable) and everyone goes home happy. (Maybe get some brunch the next morning- just an all around good time.)

The Tantric Win

The tantric win begins with a game that goes on alllll nighttttt longgggggggggg. They’re slow and steady- a close game that’s tied in the ninth inning 2-2. The game goes into extra innings, into the 10th, 11th… its’ 1AM and you’re thinking “can we get on with it? I have work in the morning.” You’re completely impressed with the endurance of the pitchers, wowed by the fact that no one has given up a run yet but getting antsy and tired… then bottom of the 14th , two-outs, you’re sure you’re going to fall asleep before its over and BAM AN EXPLOSIVE HOME RUN! The walk-off home run feels like the biggest and baddest home run in the history of baseball! You’re exuberated, thrilled, you pass out happy and dream delicious dreams… the following day at work, instead of looking exhausted, you have “a glow.” The tantric win is ALWAYS worth the wait.

The Wild Weekend Marathon Win

This, my friends, is what winning is all about. Unlike the “Tantric,” this style win requires little or no waiting for the action. It’s about one explosion after another. This game is about scoring… seriously scoring. 21 runs in one game is not unfathomable when it comes to the wild weekend marathon win. Consumption of alcohol is often a part of these wins, as is screaming, yelling, slapping, (high-fives, of course), hanging from the chandeliers, laughing and an overall feeling of euphoria. Expect the unexpected in these games- expect rookies to score two homeruns, expect to randomly hug a stranger, expect to wake the neighbors with your shouting and cheering and expect to wake up the next morning with unidentified bruises.

The “From Behind” Win (aka…The… you guessed it… Doggy Style Win)

This win is one of my personal favorites… go ahead, say what you will, I love it from behind. Here’s why- These wins happen when you least expect them, and they can happen anywhere anytime, no warning necessary. They usually start out like any other night, nothing out of the ordinary except a few let downs early in the game as the other team takes the lead. You find yourself down four runs in the sixth inning, and thinking about calling it a night. Then, when you’re about to throw in the towel, you notice there’s a Yankee on first and third with no outs! BAM, a two run double! BAM a homerun! Next thing you know, you’re winning! You’re feeling adventurous, wild and even a bit scandalous. You’re having so much fun, you forget what losing looked like but you never look back- no need to, you like being in front.

A Few “Quickies”

Tampa Bay Devil Rays = Drunken Sorority Girls. Easy, Quick, Sloppy Good Times

Boston Red Sox = Hot, Blonde Bitchy Girl. Never Easy. Always a hassle, but winning a game versus the Red Sox gives you SERIOUS bragging rights.

Los Angeles Angels = Not that hot, that rich or that famous, but something about them strings you along.You really should be able to win, you really should. You just can’t! But you keep on tryin!


“Hey Jete- What’s your favorite style win?”

* Dear Mom, If you’re reading this blog entry please note that I have never had sex and am obviously saving myself for marriage. I’m merely speculating about these comparisons. In fact, I learned about them from that smutty Cosmopolitan Magazine that still gets delivered to your house even though I moved out long ago… Love, your wholesome, sweet, angelic daughter, YankeeGirl



  1. This is good stuff, but what about an article about how certain losses feel? I know I’m no stranger to finding out the hot ‘chick’ in the bar is packing more heat than I am but if it’s late enough I’m too drunk to care and then you gotta deal with the next morning…

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