Posted by: yankeegirlguy | August 28, 2007

Yankee Guy’s Ex-Yankee Vengeance Scale

If anyone ever tells you “Once a Yankee, Always a Yankee” they are completely full of shit. In my conscious Yankee Fandom (from 1991 to the Present) there have been a multitude of Yankees whom I have either loved and wanted back on the team, to those who I have wanted Mariano to let a cutter slip right into their face. Therefore I felt it would be fun to create a vengeance scale based on my hatred towards them.  Let’s scale it from 1 to 10, for some notable ex-Yankees.

0.5

Alfonso Soriano – I hope Alfonso hits 40 HRs and 150 RBI’s each year. As my favorite player from 2001-2003 I miss him to this day. The 2001 Game 7, 8th Inning “should have been game winning” Home Run, was the most excited I had been since I saw Denise Richards get naked in “Wild Things” when I was 14. If he could only lay off the low and away slider, he’d be one of the best hitters in the game.

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I would have open mouth kissed anyone at this moment in time.

1.0

El Duque – He would have been at 0.5 but he singed on with the trashy Mets, and I found out he was kind of a jerk when I read Buster Olney’s “Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty.” I have to admit though, while watching him get out of a bases loaded, no out jam while versus the Red Sox in Game 3 of the 2005 ALDS (While on the White Sox), I have never been happier for a player not wearing Yankee Pinstripes.

1.5

Scott Proctor – My Favorite player on the Yankees from 2006-2007, I miss Scotty a ton and still don’t understand the trade we made about a month ago. I’ve been trying to catch some Dodgers games on TV to see him pitch but haven’t been lucky enough to catch them.When I asked a Dodger fan, “How is my boy Scotty Proctor pitching?” the response I got from the young lady was “I have never seen him, you know we leave in the 7th inning right?”

Reason # 109 why I could never live in L.A.

2.0

Jim Leyritz – I still get goose bumps watching the 8th inning homer he hit off Mark Wohlers in Game 4 of the 1996 World Series. I love him even more for being a “double agent” in the 1998 World Series when he was a member of the Padres (0-10 with 4K’s) He also goes to my gym, so you know he’s just a regular dude.

3.0

Chuck Knoblauch – I always was in his corner and truly felt horrible when he couldn’t get over his problems. I always wished he could have recovered after his stint on the team, but it was never meant to be. A sad story all around. 

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Now we get into the jerks….. 

4.0

Ricky Ledee – Didn’t bother me either way. What do ya say, wanna go meet by the bay? Maybe we could go play in the hey? No I’m not coked out right now.

5.0

Chad Curtis – Chad was kind of a whiney little nerdy prick. He seemed like a little sister who would snitch on you if you came home too late from a party while in middle school. What a lil punk.

6.0

Gary Sheffield – Ok Sheff, I get it.  You were unhappy the way you were treated in New York.  Booo Hooo.  I once got my finger bit by a stripper when I being too much of a dick.  I think we each deserve what we got.

7.5

Javier Vazquez – You really sucked and I am bitter about how excited I was for your arrival.  That’s all.

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Thanks for one of the worst moments ever Javy

8.0

Jeff Weaver – I hated Jeff from the beginning. Awful demeanor and awful presence on the mound. Thank you for blowing Game 4 of the 2003 World Series you ass clown. I don’t think any sight has made me as sick as seeing him as the winning pitcher for the World Series clincher for the Cardinals last year.  I really thought that was as likely as Yankee Girl winning the “Patient Woman of the Year” Award. If we don’t bomb him for 7 runs next week in his return to the stadium, there is no god.

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Ugly and still can’t throw strikes.

9.0

Kevin Brown Although you never played for another team after the Yankees I still hope you break your arm somehow. BTW thanks for that stellar performance in Game 7 of the 2004 ALCS, as well as your wonderful 21.60 ERA over your 2 starts.  I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

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My dad cancelled his 2005 season tickets because of you.  Ass.

9.5

Tony Womack – Fuck you. I mean it. I hate you more than an ex-girlfriend who gave me herpes, slept with my younger brother and totaled my car. Not did you only ruin my childhood with your double in game 7 of the 2001 World Series, you later came over to our team and had a stellar .276 on Base Percentage. Not batting average, ON BASE PERCENTAGE. Also Yankee Dad is your biggest fan ever, and I kind of hate him right now. So you were at a 9 and I added anther little bonus for that.Let’s just put it this way, if Yankee Girl didn’t want to write with me I probably would have entitled this space, “I Hate Womack”

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Kill yourself.

10.0

I am reserving this spot for Carl Pavano in 2008.

 

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