Posted by: yankeegirlguy | February 11, 2008

Live Blog of The 50th Annual Grammys

So Sunday night. No more football. College Basketball heating up but not great yet. Oh look the Grammys are on. Although I usually could care less I need to entertain myself. Time for a YGVG live blog.

8:01 We start with a duet from a Sinatra recording and Alecia Keyes. She is so fucking hot. Like I am 100% into her, and never into girls like her. Amazing voice, ridiculously hot eyes and body, and just screaming sexy.

8:05 Carrie Underwood performance. With some crazy hookers banging sticks in what looks like a garbage dump. Symbolic? Did she grow up in a junkyard?

8:07 Carrie Underwood is hotter the Jessica Simpson. Less done up, less tired looking, and great stage presence, and a better singer. Unless you are a tit guy who likes their girls 2 IQ points from retarded, this isn’t even an argument.

8:09 Prince presenting for best R&B performance. He is the definition of cool as per usual. How old is he like 45? For real has he broken the Wilt Chamberlain record yet? He has to be close How is he from Minnesota. Thank god Alecia Keys won. Shouldn’t have even been a contest. First acceptance speech and she thanked God to start. And about 100 other people.

8:17 The Time? Who the fuck ae you? Why are you performing with Rihanna. Here is the Rihanna Umbrella remix. If I was gay I would comment extensively on her dress, lets just say D-. Looks like she plucked a bird and used her findings to make a dress. Not a bad performance though.

8:23 tom hanks 3 chins, but still looks like hasn’t aged in 10 years. Who is the band? like I follow music WTF? Ok The Beatles, honor them 50 years blah blah blah. Ugh shot of Yoko Ono. Does one person in the world even like her? Does she have any friends? She must be as popular as Art Modell in Cleveland.

8:26 Oh man Cirque de Soliel is cool and all, but just give me some good performances, I don’t need all of this semi-gay dance scene business. Acoustic version of “Let it Be “performed by a young black kid and a large black woman who I have never seen, and now a choir in the background. Ok I buy into this a little but make it quick.

Random thought- I hate the fact that the music at the Greek Orthodox Church is so depressing and Middle Eastern-like. I always hated that.

8:35 I also hate how young Miley Sirus is. Cindy Lauper looks 100 years old. She’s aged time after time after time. I am ridiculously attracted to a 15 year old child, and would hook up with her. Wow. To Catch A Predator is calling me right now. Winehouse wins best new artist. Least surprising thing ever. She will be performing later. Cannot wait to see this.

838 Jason Bateman outside with some sort of contest outside the Staples Center for some young artists. I’m bored with this, even though Bateman is great.

8:45 “Stronger” performed by Kanye. Basically the “pump-up song” for any high school football or basketball team in 2007. Still, I love this song. Amazing treadmill song as well, even months later. Powerful performance, with all the 1986-like aspects of it. I would have loved the 80’s.

8:52 Fergie and John Legend. I couldn’t have a more differing opinion on two artists. Shes actually tolerable right now though. Her face in HD is pretty f-ing scary though. People like her must really hate HD.

8:55 Some award I don’t care about. Compilation soundtrack award. Beatles win for that Cirque de Soleil thing. Whatev.

9:03 Cher presenting Beyonce. We all agree Beyonce is clinically insane when she performs? Like everyone agrees right? Holy shit Tina Turner? For her age she actually looks amazing. Shes 68! Sixty-fucking-Eight and moving around like a crazy person! I’ll be in Boca Raton at 68 playing golf, maybe shuffleboard. Good performance. Beyonce just came out. Who has bigger thighs her or Brandon Jacobs. Gotta be close. Her and Tina look like two trannys on stage.

9:13 Song of the Year- Winehouse again. Deserving.

9:21 Hot Asian wins contest and preforms with Foo Fighters. Foo Fighters? I didn’t know it was 1998. Lemme go throw on my Scott Brosius jersey real quick.

9:32 George Lopez. Has he ever made a funny joke? Brad Pailsey. Zoned out for 5 minutes and went to riveraveblues.com

9:38 Rap album of the year- Kanye. 100% the right choice again. Doing a great job this year. He is still in his 1980’s cracked out outfit. He sounds pretty fucked up. Good thing he’s keeping those glasses on. Good move. Oh here comes the music, and he’s getting pissed! He called it off twice, and they stopped! He doesn’t fuck around!! Kanye is the fucking man. He would have knifed the douchebag playing the music if they didn’t.

9:44 They just rolled Aretha Franklin out on the stage, she is truly a beached whale. Ugh enough of the church-y southern music. It’s like “Showtime at the Apollo” now. I want the “Womp Womp” guy to come right now and pull them all off the stage with a cane. Everyone wants to see the trainwreck, WINEHOUSE so hurry up.

9:51 This is dragging now…..

9:56 Fiest. Here’s a live, acoustic version of the IPod commercial. About 50% as good as the commercial. She’s kind of a trainwreck.

10:01 Kid Rock preforming with an 80 year old woman who won the first Grammy or something. Someone snipe Kid Rock right now. Singing some song from 1958. Cute. He should still die though. His Sctick is so 1999.

10:02 Best Rock Album- Foo Fighters. No interesting comments at all.

10:12 Stevie Wonder presents Alecia Keys, singing “No One.” Not to be gay, but I think this is a great song. Damn I wish she liked men. SOO HOT!! She’s tearing it up. Sexiest lesbian ever? Connecticut’s own John Mayer out for the finale! Best performance of the night by far.

10:18 Country Music winner, Vince Gill. Zone out time again. Sorry if I have never heard of you I don’t care.

10:25 More people I don’t know preforming 50 years old songs. They are playing song from the Delta “Fly the Friendly Skys” commercial like 6 years ago. Zone out time.

10:33 Best Rap Compilation- Rihanna and Umbrella. Again, well deserved. Rihanna was going to knife someone if she didn’t get the Grammy. Jay-Z on with her cracking jokes. Both are very very likable. Rihanna gets the “Wrap it up sign” and obliges.

10:41 WINEHOUSE is on in London! Whats it is it like 5 AM there? Was she just up doing lines all night to prepare for this? I need answers. She actually looks good, even though she is certifiably insane. Good effort, sounded great! She almost broke down after her performance!!! WOW!

10:48 Record of the Year time – Winehouse! Here come the tears! Yup shes insane, totally couldn’t understand half of her acceptance speech.

Ok I’m done. I know there is 45 minutes more but I feel too gay doing this anymore. This is what I come to between baseball seasons. So depressing and humiliating.

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