Thank god the Giants, won the Super Bowl, I mean thank freaking god.  Tonight are nights where I hate sports.  I just spent 5 hours in Baltimore at Camden Yards.  5 hours completely wated on a heartbreaking Yankee loss.  Now I am hung over and angry, and don’t even want to turn on SportsCenter to risk seeing the shitshow that was tonight.  Nights like tonight make me want to be one of those dudes who “casually likes sports.”  I swear my life would be better without this rollercoaster.  Ugh I’m going to stop before I say something stupid.  But seriously if I see Latroy Hawkins in the Inner Harbor tonight, I cannot be responsible for my actions.  Oh yeah Jeter, i really wanna deck you in the face right now too.  Fuck everything. 

Honestly ESPN pisses me off.  They really should just start calling themselves Boston Sports and Entertainment Network.  So last night Jon Lester threw a no-hitter for the Red Sox.  Awesome for them.  Good story overall as the guy has battled back from having cancer and has an ERA+ of 126 this year. Well guess what, according to BSPN’s coverage Jon Lester appaerntly cured cancer and saved 10 babies from burning buildings while facing the daunting Royals lineup last night. Like I get it it’s a nice little story, but come on weve seen a no hitter before.

I was at Doc Goodens no hitter in 1996.  It is very exciting, and a great moment, (especioally because in May 1996 we didn’t have our pink hat crew of fans yet) and I am sure it probably led off SportsCenter as well.  But last night we had Game 7 of the Spurs vs. Hornets and it took them literally 10 minutes to mention it after the start of the broadcast.  Thanks BSPN.  I didn’t want to know about playoff hoops anyways, I wanted to see a Mark Grudzielanek at bat.  Yep exactly.

As a kid who grew up in Connecticut I never remember EPSN being so biased.  Sure (and too my delightat the time) they always threw in some random Connecticut references, and made mention of the local high school scene, but on the professional level it was usually pretty level.  Now, since the 2004 Red Sox, all things Boston lead the show.  What pisses me off the most is that ESPN is in Bristol, right on the Yankee/Red Sox boarder for fandom in Connecticut.  Most of the personalities form the show live in Farifield or Westchester County too, clearly Yankee territiory.  Why the Boston bias? Here is a good map which ran in the New York Times. As you can see Brsitol is just over the border.  Thank god mom and dad chose the correct side of the line to live on.

A map indicating where the douchbags live in CT

So yeah, it has been almost two months since my last post, which is pretty damn lame.  Our beloved team is hopelessly mediocre, but not a word form Yankee Guy or Girl for the first 25% of the season.   So far it has been an injury plagued year and one whichwe haven’t found an offensive flow.  I think we have scored 12 runs in like the last week and each loss has been more frustrating than the last.  For some reason I haven’t been able to muster up the anger this year to vent.  I think this is due to one of three things

1) The Giants Super Bowl Run spoiled me.  The Giants Super Bowl run In January and Febuary has made me soft.  Watching them march through the playoffs made me less intense as I finally had a championship for the first time in 7 years (2000 Yankees).  Capped off with the thrilling Super Bowl win (more on this in a minute) I have lost a beat in my fandom.

2) I am getting lame.  Starting with Super Bowl XXLI I have seen myself get lame.  For example I watched the most thrilling game in my life with Yankee Girl and her best friend….. as they were drinking wine, eating sushi and discussing their  sexual conquests.  So yeah I watched the greatest game of my life from a scene of “Sex and the City.” Wow. Now if I was Yankee guy circa 2002 or so I would have been at a bar screaming my head off, covered with beer head to toe, almost puking and hugging everyone in sight.  Oh yeah and then he would go punch 2008 Yankee Guy in the mouth. In fact I currently want to slap myself because of this.

3) I have become desensitized to our terrible starts.  Going back to my college years the Yankees have been notoriously slow starters.  In 2005 and last year they were especially bad and I it almost seems like a normal occurrence to have to make a run from June on to make the playoffs.  This is disconcerting because it is something you really can’t expect every year . 

Now because the deficit isn’t too big and because I have confidence in our players coming back from injury I feel the team will come together and jell this summer.  The team’s schedule is very favorable in June and July (July the Yankees leave NYC for all of 3 days)  and the PECOTA odds are still in our favor.

With all of this though I have one thought that mirrors that of Yankee Girl (I am sure):  “I am tired of the excuses, let win some F-ing games, enough with the bullshit!!”

Current record 20-24, Last Place

 

The proceeding are the three adjectives which I would use to describe how the pundits feel about Villanova’s chances versus Kansas. I absolutely love it. Since I have been a fan of Villanova anytime we were in these situation, we have responded with fire, and have scratched our way to a win. Historically as a team, Villanova embraces this underdog role, and thrives in situations where where we are counted out 1985, 1988, 2005, are all examples of times where we exceeded expectations (Allen Ray did NOT travel vs. UNC, I was there), and Villanova holds the all time tournament record of beating a better seeded opponent 13 times.

The new era of basketball excellence started versus Kansas on January 22, 2005.  As a senior I drove down to the Wachovia Center in a snowstorm to see my Wildcats, teetering on the brink of relevancy, as they faced #2 and undefeated Kansas.  Ignited by Kyle Lowry’s ejection after punching a Kansas player, and fueled by  a barrage of 3-pointers we destroyed Kansas 83-62, and it wasn’t even that close.  In that game I thought we had 5% chance.  In this upcoming one we are less talented, but are much more hot coming in and have jelled as a team.  I have confidence our team will rise to the challenge as they did in January 2005 (and as I did driving home from that game) and actually expect us to win.

There is no way that Jay Wright is sitting in his office (In his 10K suit) satisfied. He has improved as a game coach dramatically over the past two years, and his adjustments at halftime this year have been phenomenal.  Our comebacks this year versus Clemson, Syracuse, and LSU all speak to his improvement. We will have a plan and play to win.

The newspapers headlines on April 1st, 1985 read “Villanova Vs. A God.” Kansas is no god. They are beatable, and I know that regardless the outcome will play “Villanova Basketball.” I’ll explain this term later today.  I don’t bet on Villanova (or the Yankees) eve, but if I did, I’d bet the house on us +11.5.  That line is a joke.

Yankee Girl fell asleep reading this so shhhhhhhhhhhh.

Ok so the Yankees season opener is only 6 days away and I know I haven’t really talked about them in a while, and there is just one reason for this. I have been completely absorbed by my Villanova Wildcats run to the Sweet 16.  For the next four days this will be my focus so sorry about that.  Since Yankee Girl hates college athletics, I am guessing she will stay out of the discussion this week.  In the meantime for her and the rest of you who don’t care about my alma mater I can recommend some good movies, reading, and porn for you to entertain yourself from now until then.  To start off this week of fun, here is a list of Courtesy of collegewingmen.com here are some things about Villanova coach, Jay Wright that you may not know:

1. Giorgio Armani wears Jay Wright suits.
2. Jay Wright doesn’t own a mirror. He can see it in your face that he looks good.
3. Jay Wright has a suit for every day of the year. When the year is over, he throws them away and buys new ones.
4. When Jay Wright was in prep school, all the students wore uniforms. Jay Wright was still voted best dressed.
5. A bum asked Jay Wright for some change, but he gave him one of his old sport jackets instead. Now that bum is known as Donald Trump.
6. It’s been predicted that if Jay Wright ever spilled anything on one of his suits, stains would be “in” for 200 years.
7. At least 12 photographers have been institutionalized from trying to find Jay Wright’s best side.
8. When Jay Wright showers, the soap gets cleaned.
9. Jay Wright has been voted People’s Sexiest Man Alive every year since he was five. He refuses to accept until the magazine bans St. Joe’s fans from subscribing.
10. The Hawk will never die… that is until Jay Wright wants him to.
11. Four years ago Jay Wright decided an NCAA championship ring would go well with his suit. The rest is history.
12. Villanova games don’t have to be in High Definition, Jay Wright makes the TV look better.
13. When Brad Pitt looks at a mirror he says, “Damn I almost look as good as Jay Wright’s shadow.”
14. Jason Fraser had to learn how to block shots by himself because Jay Wright doesn’t know the meaning of the word rejection.
15. Every year the alumni association spends thousands of dollars to buy Jay Wright the best ties they can find. Jay uses them as his “work out ties.”
16. The term birthday suit was invented when Jay Wright was born wearing a tuxedo.

BTW: Jay Wright is a multiple winner of GQ’s Fashionable Four, an award given to the best dressed coach in college basketball.

For the first time in about six years I was able to watch my favorite athlete participate in the sport he dominated for over a decade. A quiet and unassuming killer, he was the definition of cool under pressure, and the greatest champion his sport has ever seen.

Of course I am talking about the one and only Pete Sampras. Pete the Greek was a staple of my childhood. It seems like every Wimbledon Final in the 90’s I spent with my dad and my grandfather, cheering on our hero. He never lost one of those matches. I also remember one of the most nerve wracking sports events of my life being the 2002 US Open Finals. In his epic match with Andre Agassi I could barely watch, as he expended every ounce of energy to close his career with an improbable 14th Major. (He was actually seeded 17th for the Open and hadn’t won a major since Wimbledon in 2000)

Tonight’s Sampras match wasn’t for a Major, a tournament title, and wasn’t even an ATP tournament match. Instead it was an exhibition competition with the #1 player in the world, Roger Federer. Now going into this fun little event I was just hoping to see my hero play competitive, and maybe slam a few aces. I looked forward to seeing him do his little rituals, like picking up 5 balls before his serve and hitting four away, to serve with the ball he liked the best. I didn’t expect Pete to win the match or even a set….

Federer showed up wearing his modern all-black getup, while Sampras, in his old-school all-white outfit, and it felt like good versus evil, new school versus old school. For the first hour of the match Roger Federer showed why he is the best player in the world, and was really beating Sampras bad, with Pete showing his age of 36. But amazingly Pete came back to win the second set, and then strung together a stretch where he won 18 of 22 points in the 3rd set to go up 5-2 in the third set. Federer eventually came back to win a thrillingly close match, 6-3, 6-7 (4), 7-6 (6), but to me the loss doesn’t even matter.

Sampras still has the best serve in the world. He still uses his serve and volley effectively to this day, an art no longer used by young players anymore. He made Federer uncomfortable out there, even though it was obvious Pete’s lateral movement was a shadow of what it used to be (as well as his hairline), and no match to that of 26 year old Federer.  Sampras made Federer work in a way I wish my favorite current player, Andy Roddick could, but he never does.

There is no doubt in my mind that 1996 Pete Sampras would beat 2008 Roger Federer in Wimbledon 9 out of 10 times.  Tonight reminded me of the greatness of my hero, and how fun it was to root for such a humble and dominating champion.

 

Sorry you are about to lose this point, courtesy of Pistol Pete.

So, Myron Cope, legendary broadcaster of the Pittsburgh Steelers died today at the age of 79 today. The guy was color analyst for the Steelers from 1970 to 2004 which was the longest in NFL history for a broadcaster with a single team. He also is the one responsible for creating “The Terrible Towel” as well. Not to be a dick (well actually yeah) but lets take a look at how shitty this whole “invention” was.

Needing a way to excite the fans during a 1975 playoff football game against the Baltimore Colts, Cope urged fans to take yellow dish towels to the game and wave them throughout. The Steelers always seemed to complete terrific plays when the towels were waving. The Steelers won that game 28-10,

The Steelers introduced gold towels with the words “Myron Cope’s Terrible Towel” in black on them just in time for Super Bowl X. The Steelers went on to win, “thanks to the Towels.”

Life in Pittsburgh must have been absolute shit in the 1970’s huh? Like seriously what was the average IQ of the fanbase, 75? “HMMMM when we wave our shitty ass dish rags, the players play good, they must be….good luck!” Only in Pittsburgh could they come up with such an idea and have the general consensus of the population back it. I guess when the options are wave the dish rag for fun, or go get black lung in the mine its an easy choice right? Also Mr Cope, you got lucky there huh? One good game and you get all the dish rags named after you. I tired naming things after me once too. After having some good sex with a prostitute I tried to name the herpes I gave her “Yankee Guy Super Sores.” Unfortunately she wasn’t so thrilled, and the name never stuck.

Lets wave our yellow, stained dish rags around!!!

Wow, Scott… Wow.  I didn’t think it could happen but you’ve actually reached the lowest of the low.  First Tigers pitcher Kenny Rogers fired you when you tried to shop him around even though he only wanted to negotiate with his team.  Then A-Rod, the “Please-like-me-I-need-you-to-love-me-just-be-my-best-friend-pretty-please” mascot of MLB stops speaking to you for good.  Even famed sports writer Peter Gammons thinks you’re basically going out and ruining pitchers!  You realllyyyy know how to lose friends. 

Today, though, you hit the bottom of the barrel.  We already knew that you were a dirty, money-hungry, purveyor of souls; but today New Yorkers realized they like you even less than Gary Sheffield. 

Gary Sheffield of “Joe Torre is a racist” fame thinks you’re a “Bad person” and we nod and agree as though he were a college professor. Gary Sheffield who throws old ladies into moving traffic for fun, wishes he never met you!  “Shouldn’t have ever introduced myself to him,” he says, “Period. Bad person.” (NY Daily News) 

And lookout Scotty!  Cause he’s comin after you: “It’s going to be the ugliest thing you’ve ever seen because certain people you don’t mess with.  And I guarantee you, I’m one of them.”

 It’s been a while, but I gotta say- it feels good rooting for Sheff again!

My favorite story from this week so far is from Page Six –

“Derek Jeter spent his last weekend of freedom before flying to Tampa for spring training just as we’d hoped he would: living it up in Hollywood, hitting up day spas — and hitting on movie stars. Mariah Carey‘s ex was seen Friday night at Villa, trying in vain to hit on Sienna Miller, an insider at the club tells PageSix.com.

Sienna was with actor Scott Speedman and a few other people, and wanted nothing to do with the pin-striped playboy. “Derek was trying to flirt with Sienna Miller but she didn’t know who he was and could have cared less,” our spy reports. “Also, he asked that people not smoke cigarettes near him.”

Hmm… so our favorite major league ladies’ man struck out. Perhaps next time he should consult the scouting reports: Sienna has a serious boyfriend, Rhys Ifans, making her just a bit of a long shot. “

I wonder if ol’ Jeets is starting to feel his age a bit.  He’s not so young anymore.  Maybe he should stick with the random sluts so he doesn’t have to worry like a bad outcome like this.  I mean the guy can definetly still pull girls.  I just think he needs to temper the ego a little bit as he isn’t young anymore at the ripe age of 34.  i mean Sienna was only like 19 when he won his last World Series!

This interaction will undoubtedly cause a mixed reactions form Yankee Girl.  Her long time favorite Yankee hitting on one of her favorite movie stars.  In case you were all unaware Yankee Girl  isn’t a fan of “Shitsburgh”  either . 

Okay I’m out.

Steroid Scandal. HGH. Clemens and Pettitte’s friendship. Shoot me in the fucking face.

Yankee Guy here loves everything about baseball. The nuances of each battle between pitcher and catcher the excitement of being in the crowd in the late innings and the beer and the hot dogs. Yeah I love it all. But to be honest I’d rather Yankee Girl give me an 8 hour speech on skin care products than listen to 5 more minutes of the steroid and HGH BS. Seriously tell me all about exfoliation right now rather than making me hear about Brian McNamee and Roger Clemens, I’d prefer that 100 times out of 100.

So why am I even bringing this up. Oh just because my favorite player since I’ve been 13 has a little press conference discussing his HGH use.  Now obviously I have an extremely biased position, but I think that Andy came across as honest as can be in his presser today.  He showed a ton of humility, and his basic defense behind doing it was “Hey, I am human too we all make mistakes.”  Now for me, that is all I needed to hear.   Andy is a good guy who made a mistake.  He’s a just a humble, shy, hardworking, simple guy who made an error.  Let’s be honest if I had to admit some of the worst things I have ever done, it would be a lot worse than poor Andy.  Hopefully this will end all the talk about this crap and we can worry about things like Hughes fastball, the situation at first base, and what we are going to get out of Giambi this year.

All I know is that I will be wearing my 46 jersey in March when I am down at Spring Training and on opening day.  If March rolls around and this is still a story I am going to throw my remote through the TV. We are talking about crap that happened in 2002.  The girl I was dating then made me watch “Father of the Bride” instead of a deciding World Series game.  We all made mistakes back then.

 

I’d rather be injected with the Ebloa Virus than listen to this crap anymore.

Morgan Ensberg has been issued Paul O’Neill’s number 21 jersey.  A bunch of people are pissed about this.  Honestly I don’t care a bit about this.  I think that after a number is retired it should be on the shelf for like 20 years and then trot it back out.

I am in the camp of being excited about the new stadium too so take that for what it is worth.

On an unrelated note the more and more I hear and see Shelley Duncan the more I think he may actually have a few screws loose, not that it’s a bad thing.

Shelley quoted in Newsday today about how he is feeling – “I feel wonderful, like a stallion.”

Shelley quoted in newsday about how he feels about the Clemens and McNamee hearings – “If there was a cage match between those two, that’d be a lot more fun to watch.”

It is eerie how Yankee Girl’s new favorite player sounds like her.(if she was a 6’5″ 215 LB blonde man, instead of a 5’2″ 97 LB brunette)

Can’t wait to hear the Shelley quote machine throughout this year.

So before I get into my sports commentary of the day, I’d like to point a few things to Yankee Guy and to the world.  First of all, Villanova Wildcats v. Georgetown – great idea for a sports blog.  The Grammys – not so much.  In fact, Will Ferrell as Jackie Moon discussing the “finest street-legal antiperspirant that you can get outside of Mexico that’s not poisonous” in those new Old Spice commercials is more apropos (and far more entertaining) than the Grammys.  But then, my Grammy (she’s 93 but a total firecracker) is far more entertaining than the Grammys. (and seriousy, go to www.Oldspice.com I’ve been LMAO all morning, ahhh Will Ferrell).

 With that in mind, I have a few comments about Yankee Guy’s “live blog.”  I have a total girl crush on Alicia Keys, I love that Carrie Underwood sings about smashing headlights with a Louisville Slugger and I hate Kanye West.  Kanye – Good music, annoying-ass personality.  Maybe I’m being insensitive considering his mom just died from botched plastic surgery, but seriously Kanye- your mom was lying when she said you were special.  You aren’t.  Stop acting like you deserve special treatment.  Oh, and I freaking love Amy Winehouse.  I love her because she’s totally messed up but, unlike Britney, messed up works for her.  (Sorry Brit, I love you too in your own special way).  Thanks for both making me feel like I’ve accomplished something just by not being forced into Rehab!    XOXO – YG

Now onto a bit of sports commentary- Roger Clemens is about to get probed…. Ouch. John Rocker is running his mouth again, and while 90% of what he says qualifies him for the short bus, the other ten percent actually makes sense:

Rocker agreed yesterday with Canseco’s assessment of the Mitchell Report being incomplete, while not singling out the omission of Rodriguez. “You go back 15 years and you get 80 names?” Rocker said. “I can come up with 80 names off the top my head.” Rocker agreed yesterday with Canseco’s assessment of the Mitchell Report being incomplete, while not singling out the omission of Rodriguez. “You go back 15 years and you get 80 names?” Rocker said. “I can come up with 80 names off the top my head.” –  NY Daily News

I mean, whether or not every name in the Mitchell Report is true, some no-brainers were definitely left out of the report.  Let’s stop singling the Mitchell guys out and making them into after-school specials when there are clearly tons of other guys getting off scott-free because they bought their steroids from some guy in the gym instead of from their trainer. Final thought of the day – Yankee Guy, I don’t appreciate your public dis of my basketball skills “Yankee Girl is like 5′3 and a 100 LBS and she could have done better than this in a college basketball game.”  I’ll have you know that I turned down a starting position with the Nets last year, I’m 5’4” (NOT 5’3”) and I eat 100LBS of raw meat for breakfast!

Introducing your and my Villanova Wildcats. Yankee guy roots for three teams with all his heart.  The New York Yankees, Newy York Giants and Villanova Wildcats.

Now forever The Yankees had been like the oldest child in a family, sucessful, smart efficient and made Yankee Guy proud.  Villanova had always been my “middle child”  plucky, fiesty and hardworking. The New York Giants had been my “youngest child”, yeah they may be lazy and do drugs, but you love them anyways and anything they do well you applaud.

Well this has changed.  I walk into my neighborhood gym at halftime.  Villanova is up by 1 point at halftime of a tightly contested contest with #8 ranked Georgetown.  So what do my little Wildcats do as I start on the stationary bike.  Oh yeah they decide to start off the second half by shooting 0-18.  0 for fucking 18!!! Yankee Girl is like 5’3 and a 100 LBS and she could hve done better than this in a college basketball game.  As I am writing this they are still only down 1 with 2:33 left, but I am not expecting much…..

Our season in a picture….oh yeah we lost by 2 after the ref called a phantom foul on us with 0.1 seconds left 80 feet from the hoop.  FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!

So Sunday night. No more football. College Basketball heating up but not great yet. Oh look the Grammys are on. Although I usually could care less I need to entertain myself. Time for a YGVG live blog.

8:01 We start with a duet from a Sinatra recording and Alecia Keyes. She is so fucking hot. Like I am 100% into her, and never into girls like her. Amazing voice, ridiculously hot eyes and body, and just screaming sexy.

8:05 Carrie Underwood performance. With some crazy hookers banging sticks in what looks like a garbage dump. Symbolic? Did she grow up in a junkyard?

8:07 Carrie Underwood is hotter the Jessica Simpson. Less done up, less tired looking, and great stage presence, and a better singer. Unless you are a tit guy who likes their girls 2 IQ points from retarded, this isn’t even an argument.

8:09 Prince presenting for best R&B performance. He is the definition of cool as per usual. How old is he like 45? For real has he broken the Wilt Chamberlain record yet? He has to be close How is he from Minnesota. Thank god Alecia Keys won. Shouldn’t have even been a contest. First acceptance speech and she thanked God to start. And about 100 other people.

8:17 The Time? Who the fuck ae you? Why are you performing with Rihanna. Here is the Rihanna Umbrella remix. If I was gay I would comment extensively on her dress, lets just say D-. Looks like she plucked a bird and used her findings to make a dress. Not a bad performance though.

8:23 tom hanks 3 chins, but still looks like hasn’t aged in 10 years. Who is the band? like I follow music WTF? Ok The Beatles, honor them 50 years blah blah blah. Ugh shot of Yoko Ono. Does one person in the world even like her? Does she have any friends? She must be as popular as Art Modell in Cleveland.

8:26 Oh man Cirque de Soliel is cool and all, but just give me some good performances, I don’t need all of this semi-gay dance scene business. Acoustic version of “Let it Be “performed by a young black kid and a large black woman who I have never seen, and now a choir in the background. Ok I buy into this a little but make it quick.

Random thought- I hate the fact that the music at the Greek Orthodox Church is so depressing and Middle Eastern-like. I always hated that.

8:35 I also hate how young Miley Sirus is. Cindy Lauper looks 100 years old. She’s aged time after time after time. I am ridiculously attracted to a 15 year old child, and would hook up with her. Wow. To Catch A Predator is calling me right now. Winehouse wins best new artist. Least surprising thing ever. She will be performing later. Cannot wait to see this.

838 Jason Bateman outside with some sort of contest outside the Staples Center for some young artists. I’m bored with this, even though Bateman is great.

8:45 “Stronger” performed by Kanye. Basically the “pump-up song” for any high school football or basketball team in 2007. Still, I love this song. Amazing treadmill song as well, even months later. Powerful performance, with all the 1986-like aspects of it. I would have loved the 80’s.

8:52 Fergie and John Legend. I couldn’t have a more differing opinion on two artists. Shes actually tolerable right now though. Her face in HD is pretty f-ing scary though. People like her must really hate HD.

8:55 Some award I don’t care about. Compilation soundtrack award. Beatles win for that Cirque de Soleil thing. Whatev.

9:03 Cher presenting Beyonce. We all agree Beyonce is clinically insane when she performs? Like everyone agrees right? Holy shit Tina Turner? For her age she actually looks amazing. Shes 68! Sixty-fucking-Eight and moving around like a crazy person! I’ll be in Boca Raton at 68 playing golf, maybe shuffleboard. Good performance. Beyonce just came out. Who has bigger thighs her or Brandon Jacobs. Gotta be close. Her and Tina look like two trannys on stage.

9:13 Song of the Year- Winehouse again. Deserving.

9:21 Hot Asian wins contest and preforms with Foo Fighters. Foo Fighters? I didn’t know it was 1998. Lemme go throw on my Scott Brosius jersey real quick.

9:32 George Lopez. Has he ever made a funny joke? Brad Pailsey. Zoned out for 5 minutes and went to riveraveblues.com

9:38 Rap album of the year- Kanye. 100% the right choice again. Doing a great job this year. He is still in his 1980’s cracked out outfit. He sounds pretty fucked up. Good thing he’s keeping those glasses on. Good move. Oh here comes the music, and he’s getting pissed! He called it off twice, and they stopped! He doesn’t fuck around!! Kanye is the fucking man. He would have knifed the douchebag playing the music if they didn’t.

9:44 They just rolled Aretha Franklin out on the stage, she is truly a beached whale. Ugh enough of the church-y southern music. It’s like “Showtime at the Apollo” now. I want the “Womp Womp” guy to come right now and pull them all off the stage with a cane. Everyone wants to see the trainwreck, WINEHOUSE so hurry up.

9:51 This is dragging now…..

9:56 Fiest. Here’s a live, acoustic version of the IPod commercial. About 50% as good as the commercial. She’s kind of a trainwreck.

10:01 Kid Rock preforming with an 80 year old woman who won the first Grammy or something. Someone snipe Kid Rock right now. Singing some song from 1958. Cute. He should still die though. His Sctick is so 1999.

10:02 Best Rock Album- Foo Fighters. No interesting comments at all.

10:12 Stevie Wonder presents Alecia Keys, singing “No One.” Not to be gay, but I think this is a great song. Damn I wish she liked men. SOO HOT!! She’s tearing it up. Sexiest lesbian ever? Connecticut’s own John Mayer out for the finale! Best performance of the night by far.

10:18 Country Music winner, Vince Gill. Zone out time again. Sorry if I have never heard of you I don’t care.

10:25 More people I don’t know preforming 50 years old songs. They are playing song from the Delta “Fly the Friendly Skys” commercial like 6 years ago. Zone out time.

10:33 Best Rap Compilation- Rihanna and Umbrella. Again, well deserved. Rihanna was going to knife someone if she didn’t get the Grammy. Jay-Z on with her cracking jokes. Both are very very likable. Rihanna gets the “Wrap it up sign” and obliges.

10:41 WINEHOUSE is on in London! Whats it is it like 5 AM there? Was she just up doing lines all night to prepare for this? I need answers. She actually looks good, even though she is certifiably insane. Good effort, sounded great! She almost broke down after her performance!!! WOW!

10:48 Record of the Year time – Winehouse! Here come the tears! Yup shes insane, totally couldn’t understand half of her acceptance speech.

Ok I’m done. I know there is 45 minutes more but I feel too gay doing this anymore. This is what I come to between baseball seasons. So depressing and humiliating.

So I know I am about 5 years late to the game but I signed up for a Baseball-Reference.com subscription today.   Now I have been using this site for the past few years, but let me tell you the glory behind this site is its availability to track team and player specific situations.  For example (and for our Yankee Girl) I dumped in the following constraints in the search engine:

Bring me all situations of Shelly Duncan in 2007, at Yankee Stadium, with 2 outs, with RISP and versus Left Handed Pitchers where he hit a Home Run.  Below is a link to the results

http://www.baseball-reference.com/pi/shareit/AajW

It’s funny because I actually remember both of theses Home Runs, one was a game Yankee Girl and I attended once Shelley was brought up, and the other tied the game with 2 outs in the 9th.

Anyway as the season starts kicking into gear, this will be a tool that nerdy ol’ Yankee Guy will be using extensively.  And for those of you not too fond of stats – Don’t worry our Yankee Girl will be here to provide you with all her little anecdotes on how “Steroids were created so people could be half as good as Shelley,” and “Shelley Duncan’s tears cure cancer, but he never cries.”

Anyway, beyond my recent discovery it is the calm before the storm in Yankeeland.  I am intrigued to see how the Wang arbitration hearing goes and am mystified why in the world the Yankees would go to arbitration over a $600,000 difference.  Seems a little petty, maybe symbolic in some way?

In non-Yankee news, my Villanova Wildcats finally stopped their putrid 5 game losing streak with a 72-70 win over Seton Hall.   With them bumbling along to a NIT bid, opening day can’t come soon enough.

Just in case any of you have forgotten, Yankee Girl is completely enamored with our charismatic First Baseman, Shelley Duncan.  In-fact the below picture might make her a little hot and bothered.

Happy Sunday! T-Minus 4 Days!

So the tedious off season finally comes to a close in 5 days. This off-season was actually 10 times more enjoyable than any one in the past, as the Giants provided me with one of the top 5 sports moments in my life. As the clock hit :00 in Glendale, I went freaking ballistic with the rest of New York, jumping around Yankee Girl’s apartment like a 6 year old. After I forced her to watch about an hour of post-game coverage I danced on home, and play “We are the Champions” on my computer, something I had cued up in the 9th innning on fateful night of November 4th, 2001. Finally!!!!!

Now we have had quite an absence here at YGVG, but for 2008 I am committed to daily updates of everything Yankees and baseball in general. On tap is a preview of the 2008 team, a Yankee Guy Versus Girl Trip down to Spring Training, and some season predictions from both Yankee Girl and I. Relax and enjoy our rants. Especially Yankee Girl after we have our first 3 game losing streak this year. That should be fun.

For now here is a fabulous picture. More tomorrow.

If anyone ever tells you “Once a Yankee, Always a Yankee” they are completely full of shit. In my conscious Yankee Fandom (from 1991 to the Present) there have been a multitude of Yankees whom I have either loved and wanted back on the team, to those who I have wanted Mariano to let a cutter slip right into their face. Therefore I felt it would be fun to create a vengeance scale based on my hatred towards them.  Let’s scale it from 1 to 10, for some notable ex-Yankees.

0.5

Alfonso Soriano – I hope Alfonso hits 40 HRs and 150 RBI’s each year. As my favorite player from 2001-2003 I miss him to this day. The 2001 Game 7, 8th Inning “should have been game winning” Home Run, was the most excited I had been since I saw Denise Richards get naked in “Wild Things” when I was 14. If he could only lay off the low and away slider, he’d be one of the best hitters in the game.

I would have open mouth kissed anyone at this moment in time.

1.0

El Duque – He would have been at 0.5 but he singed on with the trashy Mets, and I found out he was kind of a jerk when I read Buster Olney’s “Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty.” I have to admit though, while watching him get out of a bases loaded, no out jam while versus the Red Sox in Game 3 of the 2005 ALDS (While on the White Sox), I have never been happier for a player not wearing Yankee Pinstripes.

1.5

Scott Proctor – My Favorite player on the Yankees from 2006-2007, I miss Scotty a ton and still don’t understand the trade we made about a month ago. I’ve been trying to catch some Dodgers games on TV to see him pitch but haven’t been lucky enough to catch them.When I asked a Dodger fan, “How is my boy Scotty Proctor pitching?” the response I got from the young lady was “I have never seen him, you know we leave in the 7th inning right?”

Reason # 109 why I could never live in L.A.

2.0

Jim Leyritz – I still get goose bumps watching the 8th inning homer he hit off Mark Wohlers in Game 4 of the 1996 World Series. I love him even more for being a “double agent” in the 1998 World Series when he was a member of the Padres (0-10 with 4K’s) He also goes to my gym, so you know he’s just a regular dude.

3.0

Chuck Knoblauch – I always was in his corner and truly felt horrible when he couldn’t get over his problems. I always wished he could have recovered after his stint on the team, but it was never meant to be. A sad story all around. 

Now we get into the jerks….. 

4.0

Ricky Ledee – Didn’t bother me either way. What do ya say, wanna go meet by the bay? Maybe we could go play in the hey? No I’m not coked out right now.

5.0

Chad Curtis – Chad was kind of a whiney little nerdy prick. He seemed like a little sister who would snitch on you if you came home too late from a party while in middle school. What a lil punk.

6.0

Gary Sheffield – Ok Sheff, I get it.  You were unhappy the way you were treated in New York.  Booo Hooo.  I once got my finger bit by a stripper when I being too much of a dick.  I think we each deserve what we got.

7.5

Javier Vazquez – You really sucked and I am bitter about how excited I was for your arrival.  That’s all.

Thanks for one of the worst moments ever Javy

8.0

Jeff Weaver – I hated Jeff from the beginning. Awful demeanor and awful presence on the mound. Thank you for blowing Game 4 of the 2003 World Series you ass clown. I don’t think any sight has made me as sick as seeing him as the winning pitcher for the World Series clincher for the Cardinals last year.  I really thought that was as likely as Yankee Girl winning the “Patient Woman of the Year” Award. If we don’t bomb him for 7 runs next week in his return to the stadium, there is no god.

Ugly and still can’t throw strikes.

9.0

Kevin Brown – Although you never played for another team after the Yankees I still hope you break your arm somehow. BTW thanks for that stellar performance in Game 7 of the 2004 ALCS, as well as your wonderful 21.60 ERA over your 2 starts.  I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

My dad cancelled his 2005 season tickets because of you.  Ass.

9.5

Tony Womack – Fuck you. I mean it. I hate you more than an ex-girlfriend who gave me herpes, slept with my younger brother and totaled my car. Not did you only ruin my childhood with your double in game 7 of the 2001 World Series, you later came over to our team and had a stellar .276 on Base Percentage. Not batting average, ON BASE PERCENTAGE. Also Yankee Dad is your biggest fan ever, and I kind of hate him right now. So you were at a 9 and I added anther little bonus for that.Let’s just put it this way, if Yankee Girl didn’t want to write with me I probably would have entitled this space, “I Hate Womack”

 

Kill yourself.

10.0

I am reserving this spot for Carl Pavano in 2008.

 

Losing Sucks.  Falling yet another game behind the Red Sox is harrowing and miserable and gives me palpitations.  But I won’t count the Yank’s out yet!  The Red Sox are playing the Tampa Bay Devil Rays (aka your mom’s book club turned softball team) while we battle the LA Angels (aka our kryptonite).  Of COURSE they’re winning and, sadly, of COURSE we’re losing!  We ALWAYS lose to the Angels!  If we can eek out one game of three, it’s a lot.  I’m not being bitter, there are no hard feelings, it’s just a fact of life!  As everyone’s heard a million times, they’re the only team in the history of Joe Torre’s Yankees to have a winning record against the Yankees:  They beat us when we were unbeatable.  They beat us when we suck.  They ALWAYS beat us!   

So let’s move on.  Let’s get the hell out of California first of all- it’s just bad news.  Let’s go to the land of dirty air and vacant factories…. ahhh Detroit.  We can beat the Tigers.  Sure they’re good, but we’re better!  Gary Sheffield can suck it- we won three of four last time and we’re about to do it again.  Which means we’ll be five games back when we play the red sox (they’ll so lose at least one to the white sox).  All we’ve gotta do is sweep the red sox and we’re golden!  After that, they’ll have folded and we’ll go on to win the division.  I predict that the Yankees take six of the next eight…. Who’s with me?

Yankee Guy Here-

Sorry for the delay in writing a new post, between finally getting a great apartment to live in and moving out of previous one it has been a stressful week, which is in direct opposite with the temperament of our beloved Yankees. So therefore you get a ramblings blog.

While this season has been the most tumultuous one I could remember this recent stretch makes you feel greedy being a Yankees fan, as no other team in baseball could get this hot for this long. Granted we have been playing the Baltimore Bay Royals for the past 3 weeks but a win is a win is a win.

At the time I am writing this, it I astonishing to e that the Yankees and Mets have almost identical records, since they have accomplished them in the exact opposite way, with our season being like a rollercoaster at Six Flags and theirs being the most bland season of all time.

Derek Jeter is truly amazing. You know that already. But a .477 average with runners in scoring position with 2 outs is absolutely unreal. Also his clutch “herpes giving” is unmatched as well.

Thanks for the herps.

I didn’t even see Barry Bonds hit his 756th homer. To be honest I didn’t even care. We are going to have to do this all over again in 2014 anyways. I guess I’ll appreciate history more when I’m 31 and married. I guess by then I’ll be mature or something.

I think Robinson Cano should get injured, go on vacation, or elope with Yankee Girl in April through the All Star Break through the rest of his career. His splits post All-Star Break in 2006=.365/.380/.635 This year= .419/.479/.743 One word, WOW.

Both Robinson Cano and Melky Cabrera live in Ft. Lee, NJ with their mothers. I find that hilarious.

I think I can speak for both Yankee Girl and I – What the hell was the thought behind the Proctor deal? Everyone knows Joe has burnt him out, and all he needed was a little rest to get back to his typical form. The Dodgers got a great deal, and I will continue to follow him in LA. So far a 1.17 ERA over there. Not too shabby.

Miss ya buddy.

Since May 29th this team has been a different animal. I really never thought team meetings carried a huge impact but that blowout in Toronto right before A-Rod’s “Ha!” incident was a pretty big turning point in this season. 42-22 since then and the best team in baseball.

Just so you all know my record at Yankee games this year is 12-4. Just to make sure this team is playoff bound I’ll try to attend as many games as possible in September.

It all makes sense now. Now we know what Yankee Girl has been up to for most of July.

If Yankee Wins = Sex, and Being a Sex Addict= Being a Nymphomanic, we see how the transitive property works perfectly in this situation.

Now lets see, a post purely about Yankees and Sex……is there any way I could I NOT throw in some comments?

So I here is my take on this after the ultimate “Blue Ball Loss” to the Orioles on Saturday night.

(For those scoring at home, this involves the Yankees driving from behind, getting so close to winning but not being able to finish, and going to bed unsatisfied.)

As Yankee Guy so likes to point out, I do believe that nothing is more fun than winning. It’s so not about “how you play the game.” That’s just a silly phrase that some school teacher made up to keep the fat kids jolly. The truth is, if you lost, there’s no way you had as much fun as you would have if you won. And while some wins are far more satisfying than others, winning is like sex – even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. Everyone has different preferences, so let’s explore the different styles of Yankee wins.

Missionary- a.k.a “Yankees on Top”

Nothing fancy here. This is your traditional Yankee win. It probably starts out with two runs in the first two or three innings for a total of five or six runs overall. The Yankees stay on top the whole time, the other team really doesn’t do much at all. Sure, maybe they’ll scratch or bite a little, scoring a run here or a run there. At the end, though, you’re satisfied, everyone feels kinda great, (not exhausted, not uncomfortable) and everyone goes home happy. (Maybe get some brunch the next morning- just an all around good time.)

This sounds pretty good but I would equate this type of win more along the lines of a “Cowgirl” style win.  You don’t get too worked up, Yankees are “riding high” the entire game, and there is no way you can’t feel good about it or have a good time.  I guess this is just a difference in perspective more than anything else.

The Tantric Win

The tantric win begins with a game that goes on alllll nighttttt longgggggggggg. They’re slow and steady- a close game that’s tied in the ninth inning 2-2. The game goes into extra innings, into the 10th, 11th… its’ 1AM and you’re thinking “can we get on with it? I have work in the morning.” You’re completely impressed with the endurance of the pitchers, wowed by the fact that no one has given up a run yet but getting antsy and tired… then bottom of the 14th , two-outs, you’re sure you’re going to fall asleep before its over and BAM AN EXPLOSIVE HOME RUN! The walk-off home run feels like the biggest and baddest home run in the history of baseball! You’re exuberated, thrilled, you pass out happy and dream delicious dreams… the following day at work, instead of looking exhausted, you have “a glow.” The tantric win is ALWAYS worth the wait.

On this I agree with Yankee Girl. The tantric win is ALWAYS worth the wait. While your productivity in the office the next day might not be entirely up to par, you know staying up for the grand finale was so worth it. You are exhausted but feel like a million bucks inside. After a win like this you most likely would like a nice simple “Missionary” win the next night, so as to preserve your stamina.

The Wild Weekend Marathon Win

This, my friends, is what winning is all about. Unlike the “Tantric,” this style win requires little or no waiting for the action. It’s about one explosion after another. This game is about scoring… seriously scoring. 21 runs in one game is not unfathomable when it comes to the wild weekend marathon win. Consumption of alcohol is often a part of these wins, as is screaming, yelling, slapping, (high-fives, of course), hanging from the chandeliers, laughing and an overall feeling of euphoria. Expect the unexpected in these games- expect rookies to score two homeruns, expect to randomly hug a stranger, expect to wake the neighbors with your shouting and cheering and expect to wake up the next morning with unidentified bruises.

My favorite type of win. Fun, exciting, high energy, you just want the good times to keep on going and going. Everyone on the team seems totally in sync making for a wonderfully pleasurable experience. You become addicted to scoring more and more runs and you just can’t get enough. Even during this game you know you can’t keep this pace up forever, but you get lost in the moment and don’t think rationally.  For food you’ll order in because you don’t want to get up from your position and miss a chance to watch the Yankees score again.

The “From Behind” Win (aka…The… you guessed it… Doggy Style Win)

This win is one of my personal favorites… go ahead, say what you will, I love it from behind. Here’s why- These wins happen when you least expect them, and they can happen anywhere anytime, no warning necessary. They usually start out like any other night, nothing out of the ordinary except a few let downs early in the game as the other team takes the lead. You find yourself down four runs in the sixth inning, and thinking about calling it a night. Then, when you’re about to throw in the towel, you notice there’s a yankee on first and third with no outs! BAM, a two run double! BAM a homerun! Next thing you know, you’re winning! You’re feeling adventurous, wild and even a bit scandalous. You’re having so much fun, you forget what losing looked like but you never look back- no need to, you like being in front.

Just like her famous Porn Star clone* (as you will see below) it is no surprise Yankee Girl likes it from behind. I love coming from behind as well, as it is one of the most exciting positions to be in. For me though, it makes me a little nervous, as one small slip up and you can get in some big trouble, and a result the Yankees could be uncomfortable with.

 

A Few “Quickies”

Tampa Bay Devil Rays = Drunken Sorority Girls. Easy, Quick, Sloppy Good Times.

Tampa Bay Rays = I would equate a win versus them as taking home a bottle blonde and who is a tanning salon junkie, and has the entire counter of Estee Lauder on her face. While it seems good that night that you got a “hot girl” you wake up the next morning and look at her and realize it wasn’t such a good get.

Boston Red Sox = Hot, Blonde Bitchy Girl. Never Easy. Always a hassle, but winning a game versus the Red Sox gives you SERIOUS bragging rights.

Hot, Blonde, Bitchy girls are so 2003.  Games with the Red Sox are like Sex with your Ex.  No matter what the outcome the reprocussions will be huge and you’ll have to deal with them for days after.

Los Angeles Angels = Not that hot, that rich or that famous, but something about them strings you along.You really should be able to win, you really should. You just can’t! But you keep on tryin!

Yankee Girl – Thanks for remind me of this type of girl. Thanks a lot. I will now light myself on fire. The Los Angeles Angels are the type that ARE usually hot but not overpowering. You then say to yourself, “Hey when you think about it, I really am great and I could totally get them.” You keep trying but bad timing, lack of clutch moves and not making ballsy enough managing decisions ultimately costs you. This is why I hate the Angels, they are so freaking frustrating.

“Hey Jeet- What’s your favorite style win?”

* Dear Mom, If you’re reading this blog entry please note that I have never had sex and am obviously saving myself for marriage. I’m merely speculating about these comparisons. In fact, I learned about them from that smutty Cosmopolitan Magazine that still gets delivered to your house even though I moved out long ago… Love, your wholesome, sweet, Nymphomaniac, angelic daughter,

YankeeGirl

“Hi, I am Yankee Girl’s evil twin based out of Los Angeles.” Bonus points if you can name this person.